Recent posts

  • Selfish bride
    #8342advice· 1d ago

    Recently I went to two different wedding event and one make us bridesmaid felt quite bad during and after the event. I am bridesmaid for two different weddings and here is the thing I want to ask for opinion..should bridesmaid follow bride rules and not be asked for any opinion? First one was quite pleasant, brides asked for dates if we are going to do hen’s night, she is fine without.. If yes she don’t mind just a simple one at her place, also super kind to say she can make food and stuff. We bridesmaid really wanted to surprise her so we book a hotel and told her it was for my friend casual staycation and surprised her.. asked us for clothes style, top to even toe and let us chose what style we like but just follow her colour theme. Second one was super meh(my brother’s wife) Want a hen’s night on certain dates, and asked if we can take off or leave because they rest of the date she is occupied(understandable) but some of us just can’t make it due to work and she will be upset, saying “oh then it’s fine don’t need it then.” Then coming to bridesmaid clothes she just asked for our sizes without asking if we will be comfy in the dress, turn out it’s an tube dress which 3 of the bridesmaid were super uncomfy in it and couldn’t voice out as we don’t want things to turn sour.. they were so uncomfy the whole day but fake a smile with it.. As sister-in-law I help to ask before she made the purchase if she could give us a few style to choose. She said that’s the only style she like and it just suit her overall theme.. May I know if it’s too much for us to expect her to ask for our opinion? Or she is the bride we should suck it up follow her way?

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  • Backstabbed throughout my career
    #8339advice· 1d ago

    I want to ask if it’s common for working adults to keep meeting backstabbers aka xiao ren repeatedly at different jobs? I’m a mid 30s FTWM in a sales role who does not have the aspiration to become a manager, I prefer to be an individual contributor. My goal is to meet my sales target and find job satisfaction in having clients value my service and having a bonded relationship with colleagues. I try to maintain low profile and do my due diligence and do my best. After work I don’t really enjoy socialising and prefer to focus on my kids. However, throughout my career I always meet people who just want to backstab me even when I’m have not done anything to them and I’m not even consider in their league. Not sure why they view me as competitor and see the need to backstab me?? This happened again to me today and I’m feeling terrible. Again I’m embroiled into some drama which might cause a negative perception from my management even when I didn’t want to fight with anyone for anything! I have been told that I’m too trusting, tell people too many things. I tend to 掏心掏肺 when I feel someone seems sincere and very keen to make friends with me and thus they got the opportunity to use my words against me. Why can’t people just be kind and don’t do harm to others? Anyway I just want to know if it’s common to keep meeting 小人 aka backstabbers or is it my 命 aka life?

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  • Power struggle in a relationship
    #8316rant· 1d ago

    I’ve been together with my partner for 1.5 years and do think that he is someone I would like to live my life with. Personally I believe that everyone is imperfect in some way, and that all relationships has its ups and downs in its lifetime. I’ve always been attracted to “drive”, to have someone not just to grow old together, but to “grow” together. To start the story, my relationship with my boyfriend is not a traditional one and it comes with an imbalance of financials. I (female) am currently drawing a salary of more than 2x that of my partner (male). In all honesty, I do think money can be earned and is not a representative of a person’s ability. I am also more of a “earn more and save more” person whilst he is a “spend within your means” person. Both of which are equally correct. There are many parts of my partner that I admire, the fact that he treats the less fortunate well (is nice towards cleaners, elderly), a natural “people person” and also a smart guy, in both EQ and IQ. He treats me well, dotes on me and looks after me. Over our period of dating, my partner has been relatively resistant to the growth mindset, happy with the status quo and has constantly voiced that he is happy being a supportive partner & a house husband. I have always believed that people shouldn’t be forced to do what they do not want to do, and have come to terms that my partner has no plans to hustle at work (or out). A part of me sees it as such a huge waste of his amazing potential but it’s fine - I don’t want to see him unhappy. With that being said, I do think it is right for me to keep him to his word of being a “supportive partner”. Till today, he has refused to meet 90% of my close friends even though I had mentioned that it would mean a lot to me (the relationships are extremely important to me and my career). FYI - we have already met each others family and his close friends. Because of this, I often feel sad not having the support I really need. He also constantly makes it a point for me to feel small. He would nitpick on my mistakes, making sure I paid for it by doing the same thing against me in days/months/years later just to proof a point that I was wrong. Oftentimes, he would see me as a villain in the relationship. In one instance, he accused me of trapping him into applying for a BTO for the sake of me wanting to own a home when it was really for his sake (income ceiling issues) Like bruv, I can buy my own house. I’d like to emphasise here that he really does treat me well and makes me happy. He takes care of me, cooks for me and takes long walks with me. But like I said, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows 🌈 (no relationship is). Trying to think positive here. I think my partner acts the way he does because of financial inferiority but i do hope he knows that I see him as an equal. Not asking for advice to stay/ break-up, I’ve already decided that I would like for this to be a lifelong relationship. Just wondering if there’s anyone out there with a similar experience, happily married and can provide some words of encouragement that I can keep for life 🙂.

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  • To #8288 & other ladies considering to move in with MIL
    #8315advicerant· 1d ago

    Please do not move in with your MIL. I was one of the fools who thought that staying with MIL will be great while waiting for our BTO. My MIL is also a single mother living alone. She did not treat me super well or anything before I stayed with her, but it was cordial. I was excited to move in though. I even paid for some of the renovations she did to her home before i moved in. but once i got married & moved in, she is a different person. For example: 1) i cannot keep any items in the fridge for myself (like bbt) even when the fridge is pretty empty. only my husband can. 2) i bought a toaster and kettle cause she doesn’t have any, but im not allowed to keep it in the kitchen although the kitchen counter and cabinets are empty 3) suddenly i was expected to provide or cook meals for her although i am the one working and going to office. This was not discussed beforehand. 4) she black face and ignore me when i talk to her, i am like invisible. She only talks to my husband. 5) she locked us out of the house whenever we went out. then we need to keep coaxing her to let us go back in. 6) she kept telling my husband (doesnt speak to me remember?) that i should not bring so much stuff to the house (only brought my clothes, skincare and I kept it in our designated room). Many other things happened too. I cried everyday when i stayed there. My anxiety and depression worsened and suddenly i was on my anxiety medication again. My husband luckily understood me and we moved out less than a week later (yes all of that happened within a few days). We are definitely happier now, but this experience did damage mine and husband’s relationship especially since we just got married. 4 years later till today i am not able to forgive my MIL although i am trying to for my own sake… (also cause she still treats me like i am invisible today.) Ok advice/rant over.

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  • Client makes a move on me
    #8298rant· 3d ago

    I have a client who is very rich and drives nice cars. However, despite his wealth, he had to “buy” a Vietnamese wife. There are in my view a few reasons to this. He is honestly quite horrendous looking. He also has an equally ugly personality and very inflated ego. Anyway, recently he tried to make a move on me. Told me that his wife wouldn’t mind and in fact she’s close friends with all his female friends. Said that the wife understood that she needed to be okay with all of these because it was not a marriage of love. They have one kid together. I am very weirded out and to be honest disgusted. And slightly offended that he made a move on me thinking I’d be okay with it all.

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  • Advice on investment portfolio
    #8291advice· 3d ago

    I saved $30000 monthly in a joint account with my wife since my business picked up 10 months ago. I had invested in unit trust , and s&p since last year November , but all are in the red . Unit trust especially is down 50% and I had take 10 k of my saving monthly to average it down. Recently I put most of my saving in fix d , and usd fixed d. Beside all these , what is best option for me to built a long term investment portfolio with sustainability. So far I had tried some wealth manager advice , but bascially all are in the red. Is fixed deposit ,t bills , or sgx bank shares the only option I can look at?

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