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This is non fiction. I am sharing because I hope that no one makes the same mistake as me. You really need to choose the right life partner. Context: I have a narcissistic wife. In the X number of years together, she has never admitted to any mistakes or wrong doings. Even when she is wrong, she would either use anger or past disputes to put the blame back on me. I am always the person in the wrong no matter how hard I tried. I am an easy going person. As much as possible, I would avoid conflict or head on arguments. I prefer to cool down, sit down and discuss amicably and work out a solution. I do have my temper, I do have my views. I make them known in a proper way hoping that it gets communicated through clearly and in the best way possible. I would give in, pamper and give her the best because to me that’s my expression of love. Make no mistake that I still love her while typing this. The infidelity: I caught my spouse cheating few years back. It was undisputed as I witnessed it in person , have concrete evidences and have been living in pain ever since. Basically, I caught my spouse having sex with another man. When confronted, there was no remorse or apology. Using a passive aggressive method, I was made to believe that I was made mistakes that resulted in her actions. I read countless marriage articles, first person accounts and even religious teachings; the verdict that I got was that 1) I can choose to forgive if she is remorseful and is willing to change , but in return I have to try to forgive wholeheartedly and accept the incidents that have happened 2) I should divorce if she plans to continue to see and contact the affair partner and show no intention to remain faithful to the marriage In my cases unfortunately, my spouse does not think that she has wronged in any way. The contact with the affair partner resumed. Changing various modes of communications, hidden chats, hidden apps, passwords, face locks etc To be frank, a lot of effort was put into concealing the relationship that she’s been hiding. I know I need a divorce because mentally and emotionally I am in exceptional pain. I live in pain every single day. When I know that they are messaging, the pain intensifies, it’s really like a dagger to the heart. In my last straw attempt, I try to change every aspect to give her the life that she wants or at least in my opinion to make her the queen of my life. Personally I have seen a psychiatrist , took medication to cope with the trauma and pain but it’s not helping, To be very honest, suicide is on my mind every single day. What’s holding me back I have a few kids and they are my meaning and love of my life. I have told them before, I would give everything I can and have to give them a good life. Thus I can’t bear to divorce and I do not want to break up the kids family. As much as possible I want to give them a complete family. The kids love their mum to the moon and back. I know the kids will be happy if the family remains in tact. I told my spouse before that we have a perfect family. We are living a good lifestyle. We basically have everything most people want. I have given my all to this family. Money, time, emotion, heart, hard work basically everything. Why can’t she just end the affair and carry with our lives? Why bother to hide, why bother to keep a relationship that is wrong morally, ethically and one that will cause the family to fall apart? I am not ranting, but rather I am at my wits end. I know my wife is a goner, I have accepted the fact. If she doesn’t have good moral values or life principles, it’s not my ability and duty to teach or change her. But what should I do for the kids? They are the love of my life and I absolutely have no heart to break their hearts Pls choose your marriage partner carefully, proper moral values have to be aligned. That’s fundamental and important