Recent posts

Disclaimer: just want to let this out. I don't want any solution on this matter. Before marriage we did talk about it. He made it clear that he doesn't want any. I on the other hand, at that time, don't want kids too. Although, I wouldn't mind. Years into our marriage, idk what it is, but I suddenly yearn to have at least one child. Talked to him.. And he looked scared. He told me that he still doesn't want any. Thing is he never really told me why. He told me things like not financially ready, world's economy, etc. but we're more than ready financially in most situations we can still work it out. After some talk... He finally revealed his true reasons. He said that he grew up with 3 special sibling, if you get what I'm saying. He was their main caretaker too for so long, since his parents were busy with work. He loves them, but he's also very exhausted. It's to the point for the most part of his life, he never really had any life but to take care of them. His siblings are no longer around. Apparently passed away due to an accident when his parents drive them somewhere. He wasn't in the car at the time. So, he has no close family left. He told me all of these before, but not the part where his siblings are born with special needs. He then said, he noticed that both his mother and father's side of the family, also have special needs individuals. So his deep fear is that, what if our kids are in special needs.. He said it's probably in his genes. He said that it's not my fault. It's just that as much as he loves his siblings before, it's extremely exhausting + missing out a lot of things in life. He yearns to live life like others. I find his reasons to be very valid. But.. Now there's me. I really want a child.. But..I don't want to be selfish too.. He cried and apologised to me about his genes. He said that he really don't want to risk it. And that if I want to leave him, he's going to respect that decision. I love him. I know I won't leave him. But I guess I won't be changing his mind about having kids. I'll respect his wishes.