Recent posts

#12415: Am I wrong to end things with my girlfriend? Am I the bad person?
#12415advicerant· 9h ago

Help me phrase into a Reddit post, without any signs of bias. I will share the whole story, do not leak any details. I (22M) have decided to end things with my girlfriend (35F). While posting anonymously, here are some background information about us. I was exempted of NS due to major depressive disorder with suicide thoughts once. My girlfriend is still currently undergoing separation, and her three kids are still 11 F, 9 M, 5 M (special needs) respectively. I have met all the three of them. I met my girlfriend through work, where it started off with me still with my ex. As my ex and I were having an extremely rocky relationship, I have already given up on the relationship mentally. So my girlfriend has nothing do with the breakup. We work in a renowned education based centre line, where it all began with me ending things with my ex and I continued to focus on my work. I found myself being drawn to her vibrant attitude and honesty, despite it may offend people at times. Hence slowly we found ourselves flirting with try each other, and with my ex colleagues not liking my girlfriend, eventually addressed out where they feel we were not professional at work (With the act of tapping head, although it is quite obvious in the later parts that they just red eye any form of extra help) I was eventually given a warning and distanced myself from her during work, although we continue to meet after work. It eventually progressed where I admitted my feelings to her after work and she accepted to start a relationship. However, problems began to surface over time. Within the first two months of our relationship, I had an extremely formerly close female friend. My girlfriend was jealous, thinking that my female friend likes me despite we known each other for 5 years. My girlfriend says it is impossible my female friend does not like me, as she tested by asking my friend why we aren’t together to which my friend replied “but he doesn’t like me”. And despite my reassurance, my girlfriend feels insecure so I find myself being stuck between friendship and relationship. My girlfriend even threatened to kill my friend. It took a few arguments with the last argument being my friend inviting me to her graduation party. I decided to cut contact with my female friend (which I feel rather regretful as I cherish the friendship). Despite this act, my girlfriend still suspects that I am texting her on another occasion when I am texting a (unsaved contact) guy friend regarding his graduation to which I show the chats to her without hiding anything. To be clear, I did not have any physical contact with my female friend at all once in this 5 years. It later carried on where she is extremely close with her male friend, where she had admitted that they lie on each other shoulders before we got together but have since stopped. I tried to stop overthinking despite she always talking to him. We argued a few times as well, and the last straw was when one of my colleagues brought up that the guy friend had touched a female student. I was extremely enraged and also due to handling the same class regarding their academics, he is not a good guidance and often distracts which causes sloppy work. My colleague proceeded to propose to my manager that he needs to be removed, and my girlfriend was enraged over the friendship. She said I was a snitch as she thought I was the one to tell my manager (even though I only agreed with my colleague who proposed the idea), and the manager decided to let him take a break for awhile although he continued to work soon later. During my criteria exam for a permanent role, we had an argument over some matters (which I could not recall, likely either of my female friend or that I spend most of time on work + with my family due to my mother being diagnosed with cancer) to which affected my state for the next day. I failed the exam and she apologised, cried saying she won’t do it again. Then there was another occasion where I had another female friend although not close, I gave her some advices regarding to her relationship to which my girlfriend feels I’m hiding because I have a habit of deleting chats that I typically don’t use everyday. My girlfriend feels I’m hiding from her, etc as there is another occasion where my ex came to look for me at my part time workplace which I kindly rejected but did not tell her. My girlfriend however when I checked her phone, she did not deny her ex calling her babe to which I was enraged. I eventually forgive her after she shown me she deleted the contact and will not contact him anymore. TLDR, I had conflict with my work management and decided not to bow down as was promised a promotion but denied subsequently later. Despite being threatened termination, I refused to back down but my girlfriend was persuaded by them to tell me to admit my lie of “misusing urgent leave) to which she pressured and I eventually gave in, and my employers used this very reason as a valid excuse to terminate me. Fastforward to yesterday, I had a trial for Assistant Manager position at another centre and passed with flying colours although the director made it clear and honest he wanted to lowball me despite being impressed by my skillets as I do not have much experience on the said paper resume (1 year). I eventually was upset but put it aside as I had to attend my girlfriend’s daughter birthday. She invited some of her friends over, totally ignored my existence there and kept telling me to keep a low profile so as to not let her parents know because they would give immense pressure to which I understand. However, she did not even bother to tell me out of respect. Naturally I felt neglected and was affected by the lowball, so I went out to buy more alcohol and drank where I was intoxicated. Despite under intoxication, I still played with her son while she talked to her friends without paying any slightest attention to me. When I went back, I called to ask and check on her FIRST. I felt I’ve seen enough yesterday to know the importance of me inside her heart. Today is where I told her I don’t wish to bring up past issues and just continue the relationship, to which where she said I am scary because I can apologise in the past (to which she feels it is my mistakes, and sometimes it is) but I can still bring up her faults and mistakes whenever we have arguments and unhappiness. I don’t wish to compare as I know it takes two sides to clap, but am I truly wrong for not listening to her at times and holding on to my beliefs? And that is it my fault that I really cannot let go of trauma and the past?

👍 0❤️ 0😂 0
0