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I’ve been working with my boss for >5 years. When I first joined, he was what every subordinate would ask for. A great mentor, gave me lots of opportunities and never find fault, always on my side even when I made mistakes. He helps me with little things, and never say no whenever I needed help. Ocassionally, he would take me out for lunch and I became his listening ear to many of his complains (of work). Sometimes, we would drive out for lunch as well. Most of the time, he would pay for my lunch. He would remember little things, like my usual drinks order. There was once, while he was doing parallel parking, he put his hand on my seat to look back. That made my heart flutter a lil. 😳 I also recalled an incident, when Covid was just started and government was doing contact tracing. We were doing some department activity and he actually told me not to join because I was pregnant. But I told him it was fine, as it was a sit down activity and I can manage. Turns out 1 of the guy in the group was identified as close contact was asked to go back halfway. When he knew, he was kinda reprimanding me and judging the colleague. Thou everyone always say that I’m his favourite at work, I guess thats because I dont reject the work he assigns me. There was once, I concurrently took on 3 projects. As I grew at work, I began taking more responsibilities and started to work more for the other senior manager. We started to have lesser interaction as I dont report to him now. Lately, there are a few new hires, and he had been spending a lot of time guiding them. I cant help but to feel a tad jealous? But just last week, he spent 1 of the lunchtime w me, ~2 hrs, catching up over lunch. Today, on the way to work, we happened to be on the same train, went to work together. And I realised, he didnt pay attention to our lunch conversation last week. The things I said, he asked again. I felt kinda disappointed. (Fyi to nayers, there were no flirting, nothing sexual, nothing inapproriate. We’re just 2 colleagues who meet only during working hours.) The only 1 time we had “skin interaction” was we were too engrossed in talking and didnt notice the traffic was not in our favour and attempted to cross. I held on to his arm and screamed for uturn LOL. Both of us had a shock, but all he asked was if I was ok and if I twisted my ankle. Well, I wish I had, but I didnt haha! As I structured this post, I found how ridiculous I could be. I guess from idk when, I probably already started having feelings for him. Its just a feeling that cant be shared with anyone, and I just need a space to get it out. I think I might be a little crazy to harbour such feelings. Im having thoughts of leaving the company…. I guess, I should, right?