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(TLDR) Im 39/m. Married for 9-10years. Before marriage, i used to patronize massage parlors. Got addicted when i was working overseas. After marriage, still visited massage places from time to time. I feel guilty whenever i receive some special services. No sex involved(let me be clear). It is wrong of me to even visit such ill reputed places. 4yrs into our marriage, wife found out my visitations. We have a kid. She took our kid and left. Filed for divorce. After counseling and for sake of our kid, she decided to stay with me. It’s been 5yrs now since that, from time to time, she reminds me how i cheated on her. How much she hates me for what i’ve done. She unable to forgive me. I changed job and took a lower paying job with better prospect. But need to do shift work. And that upset her. I have not return back or visiting any spas. I’m honest and be open with her. Up till now, there is no sex or even a tiny bit of intimacy. Just going with the flow. Just feeling regret and guilt and wish things to be better. Just not sure how to move forward.