I had a best friend. I think we still are? We used to be able to relate and symphathise with each other's fears, worries and trauma etc. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Panic attacks are no strangers and they still happen quite often these days. I get that she's busy preparing to take a new step into a new chapter in her life, but it hurts when she just brushed off my fear like it meant nothing. I called her a couple of months back when it started getting hard to keey thoughts rational. I knew it was irrational fear on my part too, but it had affected me so much that it was the only thing that I could focus on. It was emotionally and psychologically scarring and, she brushing it off as it "not being a real problem", just made me feel like I've just been unnecessarily fixated on something small. I knew it was "small", but I have been in lowest of spirits for months before, and it just made me feel worse. She is the only friend I could confide in and thought I wouldn't be judged for it. I guess I thought wrong. I'm happy that she found happiness in her life and eagerness on starting a new chapter soon with her loved one. I just thought I needed the validation that I wasn't over-reacting and that she'd understood where my fear stemmed from. She told me to share any thoughts that I have with her, good or bad. I have always been one to keep everything to myself and she hated that. I take a while to open up and trust others with my darkest fear and trauma. I've just learned to be open 4 years ago and we haven't had regular calls since 2022. I had feared that this would happen sooner or later. I just wasn't prepared for it. I vowed that I won't share anything since then. I just had to get this off my chest as it has been weighing on my mind the past couple of months.
peppy-wood·Strong of you
667d ago · ·
incompetent-coach·wow
200d ago · ·- incompetent-coach·
oo
200d ago · · 
ashamed-record·I had a friend who was self harming, but we weren’t best friends, just acquaintances. I tried my best to help her, often checking up on her, and stressed a lot about how to help her. One day, she opened up to me about a story about her best friend previously who she fell out with, and i tried to be neutral, because I was always taught not to gossip or badmouth people, and remembered my best friend I fell out with, so I said maybe her best friend didn't mean to hurt her. Afterwards, she stopped talking to me, and I kept replaying that scene in my mind. Maybe i should have been more empathetic, I should have said this, said that. But in reality we might not have the right words to say and we aren’t mind readers. Though I have learnt more about validating people’s feelings, active listening, I wouldn’t say I am able to apply it well all the time. Afterwards, I was being bullied, and she showed me the post my bully made online and said “i want to tell you this so you can know that she is talking bad about you behind your back and you can beware of her.” She said she’s telling me because she felt that “friends should always take their friend’s side” I couldn’t help but feel like she was hinting at the past where I didn’t take her side unconditionally. I understand that your friend dismissing your feelings at that moment made you feel really hurt. I wanted to share my story in hopes to ease your pain a little, you wrote that your friend seemed happy, starting a new chapter, however we never know how deep someone is struggling often, and it would be hard for someone who has not gone through what you have experienced to really understand and have the capacity to be a shoulder to lean on 100% all the time. I have had falling out with many best friends, and I try to keep with me the good memories, the fact that, there was a time where your best friend encouraged you to be open and helped support you. And I hope that one day you can find the capacity to be that someone for others as well, and have the luck to meet someone who makes you feel safe to share your feelings again instead of shutting down and vowing not to share with anyone how you feel, and letting it weigh you down. After all, the fact that we are sad means we really treasured that friend, and we dont have to conclude that life is bad because we had to part.
2d ago · ·