I had a best friend. I think we still are? We used to be able to relate and symphathise with each other's fears, worries and trauma etc. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Panic attacks are no strangers and they still happen quite often these days. I get that she's busy preparing to take a new step into a new chapter in her life, but it hurts when she just brushed off my fear like it meant nothing. I called her a couple of months back when it started getting hard to keey thoughts rational. I knew it was irrational fear on my part too, but it had affected me so much that it was the only thing that I could focus on. It was emotionally and psychologically scarring and, she brushing it off as it "not being a real problem", just made me feel like I've just been unnecessarily fixated on something small. I knew it was "small", but I have been in lowest of spirits for months before, and it just made me feel worse. She is the only friend I could confide in and thought I wouldn't be judged for it. I guess I thought wrong. I'm happy that she found happiness in her life and eagerness on starting a new chapter soon with her loved one. I just thought I needed the validation that I wasn't over-reacting and that she'd understood where my fear stemmed from. She told me to share any thoughts that I have with her, good or bad. I have always been one to keep everything to myself and she hated that. I take a while to open up and trust others with my darkest fear and trauma. I've just learned to be open 4 years ago and we haven't had regular calls since 2022. I had feared that this would happen sooner or later. I just wasn't prepared for it. I vowed that I won't share anything since then. I just had to get this off my chest as it has been weighing on my mind the past couple of months.
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