Recent posts

  • My folks: stay in fully pd up...
    #12023advice· 5h ago

    My folks: stay in fully pd up landed home worth $3.5m, retired civil servants under the old bountiful pension scheme, always calling me to ask where's the best fd rates to park their cash. Me: struggling bank exec with husb doing ok + 2 kids living in small cramped condo. Combined annual income about 300k. Unable to afford a landed. Can't understand why my folks complain I don't give them allowance when they have plenty cash to spare while I am running on the hamster wheel everyday just to afford my kids tuition, maybe occasional holidays and I bring them along sometimes Thoughts? Anyone else in similar situation, how much do u give your folks?

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  • My friend is classmates and friends w the...
    #12022advicerant· 5h ago

    My friend is classmates and friends w the guy my ex cheated on me with and I'm q unsure what to do. I keep seeing her story on my insta since we're q good friends, but sometimes he's just in the background and it feels q bad when I come across it. Otherwise my friend and I are on good terms w one another. I can't ask her to "unfriend" this guy cause their batch is small and so quite hard to avoid each other. That said they're all splitting up to go into their different job postings so maybe she will post less of him. This guy idk why but I hear has been the '3rd party' in quite a few relationships that I know of, so seeing him on the story usually is quite jarring. Like when I hear some story being told about some girl cheating on her bf, dunno why he is the guy in that story quite a few times. So personal notes aside this isn't something I will 'get over'. So I have decided since it's like this, I should unfollow my friend for a while until they go on to their respective postings and they won't see each other that often. But that's not my question, do you all think I should let her know why and maybe message her so she don't get the wrong idea or something? Other than this we're quite good friends.

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  • Tl;dr my brother is annoyed with me for...
    #12021rant· 5h ago

    Tl;dr my brother is annoyed with me for telling my niece that she will likely not be able to have it all. My husband and I were having dinner with my brother’s family when my niece (16 years old) asked me why we didn’t have kids. I told her it was a personal choice and eyed my brother a little, because to be honest it’s a rude question to ask. He or my SIL didn’t do or say anything. So I told her that it was because I wanted to focus on my career, and that for women, it’s much harder for us to do that when we have a family compared to men. I pointed out my SIL gave up her job for a few years to care for her and her brother growing up, and that set her career back for a couple of years. And that she had to jump through some hoops to get back into the workforce. I just flat out said I didn’t want to do what my SIL did, but I respect her choice on it because she has two wonderful kids. My niece went quiet for a bit and asked if it’s the same for boys. My nephew was also listening. At this point my brother could see my niece was looking upset and suggested changing the topic. My niece then asked if she could be like my brother, have a career and family. I said it’s possible but with very careful planning and a guy who is willing to support both, but it may be hard to find one. That and biologically speaking, for the mother there’s no choice especially in the early months. At this point she started getting very upset about it, and my SIL and brother started to assure her that she definitely can have both. I also tried to assure her too but I don’t think it helped. She ended up going to her room and didn’t want to talk to any of us. My nephew on the other hand had enough grace to just keep quiet about the whole thing but you could see the smug look on his face. His sister was always doing better than him academically. My brother then got upset with me for telling it straight and said I should have lied rather than upset my niece. I honestly didn’t expect it to upset her. Cause the question also came out of the blue at dinner. Jump to a couple of days later and my brother is now annoyed at me for answering the question because my niece is now swearing that she doesn’t want to see her future career affected by kids, and that we must do more for women rights in sg and he’s worried she won’t give him grandkids. I told him to leave it to SIL to settle, but apparently she’s not talking to her mother either for “giving in to the patriarchy” Either way I think it’ll blow over soon enough… but I can’t help but wonder if I should have lied to her about reality.

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  • Hi, just some rant regarding relationships....
    #12020· 5h ago

    Hi, just some rant regarding relationships. So i have been with my bf for ard 4-5years. After getting into 2nd year, he started to gamble- poker quite often which we have alot of arguement and he used to go every 5-6 days. Then became 2-3days. If i stop him, we will keep having the same argument so i just let him go. I feel like im too controlling if i keep stopping him. Everytime he go, he will still ask me but actually he knw there is a slight chance i will say no, cause idw to repeat the same argument. Then he started smoking which I don't really like. Especially he likes to smoke with one close frn of him and he will go up to her hse to smoke and chill. She lives alone in that condo. After some argument, he say he will not go up to her hse, they will just chill at downstair and chat. I don't follow cause I don't smoke and I don't like the smell of it. He is not a heavy smoker. I asked him to vape instead cause of the smell, but he vape more often cause u can literally vape everywhr. Room, car and etc. His parents don't know he smoke cigarettes so he can't really smoke anywhr he wanted to. Then recently i noticed him talk to his ex colleague- girl quite often. He don't really hv alot of frns so I don't really mind he going out to meet and eat with girl 1-1. Cause his job nature is sales, so i understand he would need to network. Texting is fine for me but not everyday telling each other the daily thing. Also i read the msg, those girls don't really seems to reply him or entertain him much. I would feel embarrassed if my partner keep texting ppl like he is single. Like... hmm I ask him to text with boundaries cz when we first met, he deleted the msg between a girl and him. And the girl is my frn and i dont talk to her anymore. I just feel really weird. He say the msg was nth, but why delete if nth? I think thy both wanna go gym tgt and the girl say nt to tell me as i would be upset. Like wtf bro, if u knw i will be upset then why u doing this. Sometimes cannot brain ppl like dis. The girl have a bf and going to get marry soon so i wish her all the best. I forgiven my bf and dont really talk abt this cz no point to argue on the same thg if i choose to forgive him. But on the other hand, I really respect him. I don't reply to men's dm cause I know he will be upset. Also once i got really close to one guy colleague but I stop cause he said he was uncomfortable. So i can't see he is doing the same things to me. I just want to know girl's opinion on this as I don't really want to be the sensitive and controlling gf.

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  • With regards to the recent post in which...
    #12017adviceask-prof-benrant· 6d ago

    With regards to the recent post in which a grad has yet to find a SWE or DS job, the advice given were terrible despite being realistic. With all due respect, would Prof had settled for a kindergarten teacher role if he couldn't land a job as a Professor within 6 months? I dont think so. If you're gonna settle for a job that isn't specific to your field & pays lower, might as well work overseas in SWE/DS or take a 1 year work-study diploma in SWE/DS.

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  • Currently in a job that I do not...
    #12016advice· 6d ago

    Currently in a job that I do not like, toxic working environment and horrible bosses. I found another job, it is in a different industry, maternity cover, no wfh. Advice 1. Take the new job 2. Continue searching for another job, and quit current job to take a break.

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