Recent posts

  • I'm a full time working mum with ...
    #11879advicerant· 8d ago

    I'm a full time working mum with good prospect, earning more than my husband. My husband is a Grab Driver. However he rarely drive because he always claimed tired despite he no full time job and he never help in household chores. Everyday after work, once reach home, I started to do all the household chores myself. He never helps. From vacuum, mop floor to laundry & etc, he never help once since 9 years ago we moved into our new bto. I paid all the household expenses, I do all the household chores and I revise & guide my 2 kids for their homework everyday. I take care every single things for the family, without the help of my husband. I felt very upset and I started to develop bad temper. He knows I'm angry but he still never offer to help. Yet he told the kids I'm angery and get crazy for nothing. I feel utterly upset. Imagine he is in my role, I think he will get crazy long ago. He can't even offer to help anything. And he knows I got very serious scoliosis. He found that I always bad temper and always said something sacarstic towards me. If I'm working full time and pay for all the single household expenses, he shares the household chores, I'm really happy with it. But he never even offer to pay any household expenses, despite I told him everything price rise. If you were me, will you in good mood? I felt exhausted ann I'm cryinf everyday. I feel hopeless...

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  • Update for #108574:...
    #11875adviceromance· 10d ago

    Update for #108574: Hi all, thank you so much for your responses! I read all of them, even the 'direct' ones and I appreciate them. It's my first relationship and his too, so I probably did not act appropriately in that scenario. :X I just wanted to help him with his grief despite the fact that I have no experience with it. It's just surreal to see him, my 'smiley mountain' be in the depths of sadness. Some of the comments really hit the hammer on the head. He does have trust issues regarding anything. Always advises me not to be 'gullible' and do proper research on things that I'm unfamiliar with. And not to place myself in situations where I am not the one in control. Oh, and that people are generally horrible. Although I've never seen him treat anyone negatively before. :p After talking to his aunt, I understand why he ended up this way. He was left alone at home a lot when his dad goes out to drink with his friends and when he comes back, often physically abused him. So he often goes out a lot at night to escape his house AT THE AGE OF 8 YEARS OLD. My jaw literally dropped when I heard this. Spent his childhood in those 'computer cafes', which was probably where he picked up his computer hobby. His grandma, aunt and uncle had to pick him up back to their house because he had nowhere to go after the cafe closes. They also told me that there were a lot of bad influences from these places but he wasn't affected. She described him as '出淤泥而不染', that's why they adore him. My boyf has never told me these stories before and I wouldn't have known either if not for his family. We have just a 3 year age gap but the difference in our life experience is vast... The comment about the childhood really strikes true. He has close to zero social media presence and also has a really small circle of friends (only 3 guys) that he met from his games but he recently stopped playing games and have been focusing on his work a lot (keeps OTing). He says there's a big project but you know... Anyhow, we haven't talked about the incident that happened. He just returned hours later after what happened (he probably slept) and acted like nothing happened. Recently, I offered him to sleep over at my house and he accepted, so far it's going good...? I noticed that he secretly cried in his sleep yesterday. Initially, I wanted to leave him alone due to the advice given by you guys but I really want to just hug and console him if you get what I mean? What should I do?! :< I would greatly appreciate more relationship advice to strengthen my bond with him. Thank you again for reading my post.

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  • Hey, just accepted a job offer from a...
    #11874advice· 10d ago

    Hey, just accepted a job offer from a research role (think DSTA, ST Engineering). They are sending me to a medical check up and is asking for mental health declaration. Do I declare I have adjustment disorder in the Army and am currently on medication? Or should I just not say? I am scared that if I were to say it truthfully, the offer will be rescinded/terminate the contract immediately.

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  • Been seeing so many people rant about giving...
    #11873rant· 10d ago

    Been seeing so many people rant about giving allowance to parent. Let me rant too. Some info: family of 4. Im the youngest, useless dad, useless sibling, sick mum. Mum having some health issue can’t work. Dad working but salary only enough for himself (gamble & drinking) sibling married . I’m the only one supporting the whole family. My mum need $1000 every month. House bill $300+ . So every month i got to take out $1300. FYI, my salary $2000 . Asked my siblings to help to pay half or some, sibling say already married out. It’s not her RESPONSIBILITY . But yet, every time come back to find mum take money. YES TAKE MONEY! But mum money is MY money! Really tired of this kind of life. What if one day i not around anymore. What will happen to my mum. Who will take care of her? Or is it i got married i can don’t need pay allowance and can don’t care anymore?

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  • I've seen numerous articles on allowance to parents....
    #11869advicerant· 11d ago

    I've seen numerous articles on allowance to parents. This time, it landed on me. My apologies on the long story ahead. I needed to get it off my chest for my sanity... My mother keeps comparing me to her friends children. “People earn how much also give their mother 40-50%” She goes around sharing with her friends that I’m only giving her so little allowance as compared to her friends children and that I should be giving her more. When I first graduated, she asked about my pay. I'm unwillingly to disclose much because of her behavior. She will calculate market rate, % and her friends children. She even asked, so when will you get promoted? (So that they will increase your pay). Fast forward, 2 years + later, I left my job. The intensity adds on. This was what hurts me enough that it was almost the last straw. She insisted that I continue to give her monthly allowance even though I'm jobless. She quoted: "It's a principle thing" + "Where got you take up a loan, you can skip paying for x months?" Someone suggested to return her the monthly allowances in instalments after I found a new job. FYI, I don't owe her any $$$. But this don't makes any sense to me no matter how hard I try to rationalize. Also, she’s a housewife, my father gives her more than enough. In my own opinion and capability. I’m giving out the amount I feel I can handle after taking into considerations of the future expenses (House, Renovation, Furnitures, Kids, Needs & Wants) etc. The only thing is I still live with her. Her house, her rules but not till this extent. I am self sustainable in terms of my needs & wants since I was 17. I don't get any allowances when I went to poly and uni while my siblings did. I did not ask for much. Then she began to add on “So fast think of house already?” I mean you don’t have to be at a certain age to think of the future expenses. What more, Singapore. Reality. Folks be like it’s your mother, she went through hardships to give birth to you etc. This shouldn’t be normalized. I deserved to be respected and treated as a human not a ….. :) Sigh, I’m tired really. I’m not giving her anything more than I can handle. I’m not giving in anymore. What's supposed to feel like a safe haven to me, no longer is.

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  • @108578...
    #11868· 11d ago

    @108578 Hi. I was in a similar position and I hope you find some inspiration in my journey. I graduate from NUS with a degree in accounting on a full-ride. I grew up in a single-parent family (dad died of cancer), my mom worked in a central kitchen, and I have a brother and sister both more than 8 years younger. I didn’t have very much growing up. I picked accounting because it was the safest option. I wanted to put my brother and sister through university. I went into quantitative research at 2 very big banks. After my youngest brother graduated, I felt that I didn’t have to do things for money anymore, I had more than enough money, and it was the first time I started to think about what I was truly interested in. Bear in mind, at this point I still lived with my mom, I still ate 10-dollar meals, I don’t have a partner because I was never interested of having a family of my own. I don’t have a lot of interests. I made investments in properties that have started making me passive income. I had money to do what I wanted. I decided that I wanted to study again, this time in an area that I would have done had I not been under any pressure to learn something with job security. I didn’t know what that area was, but I wanted the freedom to explore. So I did some research and I enrolled in an A.A (Associate of Arts) degree program to take courses at an American community college. These courses were cheap. I started taking all sorts of courses ranging from organizational behavior, to chemistry, to earth science. I found that I had a strong interest in solid-state physics. Now this next part was a little tricky. I still wanted a PhD. In my mind, a career teaching didn’t sound too bad. Nothing would have been more work than my previous jobs. After taking all the courses I needed for the AA, I needed to take upper division courses before I could be admitted for a masters or PhD. There was no chance I would be admitted to a good program without a deeper preparation. I needed to take more courses at a 4-year college, but I didn’t want to spend a lot of money. I looked around and the only option I found was to do a second bachelors in the UK. I doubt that even if I could take all the courses I needed to, say at Harvard Extension School, I wouldn’t be able to enter a good PhD program. The application process to UK unis was ridiculously straightforward for me back then. I had 7 distinctions at A levels, I had all As for my accounting degree, and my community college classes were also straight As, with courses like Linear Algebra, ODE, and Physics I and II. I finished my second BSc in Physics at Imperial College London with a first. I then did a Materials Science and Engineering PhD at a top 2 engineering department in America. I will not recommend my path to anyone who isn’t willing to spend a good amount of money and a hell of a lot of time. If you are sure you enjoy the process of learning and you don’t mind playing the long game, it is possible to make a field shift. But one word of advice, only do this if you don’t have other goals in life and definitely don’t do it if you have dependents. It is a lot of years of foregone income and it is not even clear that the PhD is required. I don’t know if Ben would have done the PhD if it was not a requirement to be a professor. I did it only because it excites me so to me it is fun. Objectively though, unless you want to go into research and/or teach, you might want to consider other options.

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